Saturday, January 5, 2008

Lesson 1: The Friend Zone

The Slippery Slope (ie What is the Friend Zone?)
I'll kick these lessons off with something easy that most guys will know about. If you've heard the term The Friend Zone before you know its a trap. It's a trap many guys will unknowingly fall into with a girl they want to hook up with. Once you enter this zone with the girl, you may not be able to get out of it which will doom you to a fate of the dreaded platonic relationship otherwise known as you ain't hittin that and you now have a major case of something called chronic blueballs-itis.

So I was a junior in high school and really sweated this hottie, we'll call her Amelia. Amelia was in the top 10 of hotties in the 11th grade, out of my league, and I wanted to throw some sausage on the barbe. I was convinced she wanted my manrod in or around her mouth and I knew it was just going to take some time and game spitting before I gave her a one way ticket to Pound Town and showed her who the mayor was. Problem was I wasn't even at the train station, and if I had been I would have unknowingly just purchased a one way fare to Blue Balls Lagoon instead of Bone City.

Amelia was a flirt, a little bit of a cocktease. Let's keep in mind that at point in my life I was still a virgin and hadn't had too much luck with pulling the hotties I thought I could. This was one of the problems - thinking like a virgin will not get you the ass your looking for but we'll save that for another time. So I wasn't quite a cocksman and I started sliding down that slope into the friend zone.

How'd I get Here?
I happened to be gifted with a decent sized brain and a good work ethic so Amelia and I started working on projects, homework, crap like that since we had a lot of classes together. After a little while she was asking for my #, screen name, wanted me to meet her for coffee after school and sit beside her in class. She seemed to enjoy my company a lot and I enjoyed the thought of her smokin' my pole. So Amelia had this boyfriend at a different school and she would often complain to me about him and ask for advice about him. BOOM! Warning Sign #1 and I didn't see it. If a girl complains to you about "Jim is such a dickhead Oh My God he is such a dick... yada yada" you gotta walk away immediately. NewsFlash, girls like dickheads, they want what they can't have, and the more a dude ignores them, the more they like it (All lessons to come in the future). I should have called it quits and walked out. But I didn't (stupid). If I had started blowing her off, ignoring her, etc I would have stood a chance. If you're in this situation you better start ignoring this girl, flirt with other girls, do anything to make this girl realize you actually have a pair.

So we continued down the slope. I gave advice, consoled her when she was upset, all hoping for some favors in return. The problem was, she viewed me like a dude who didn't have balls, just ears. Big problem.

Problem #2
I was intimidated by this girl. She was mega hot, smoked (weed/cigs) and drank, hung out with older dudes, listened to Nine Inch Nails, and was part of the elite popular crowd. I let this girl walk all over me because I felt I cared about her. BOOM - wrong move #2. Don't let girls know you care about them and if you can help it (ie you aren't a va-jay-jay) don't actually let yourself care about them. The less you give a shit, the more likely you are to turn them on because they see they can't own you, have you etc and that drives girls crazy.

Outcome Part A
Junior year I did not hook up with this girl and I had invested a lot of time in her. I learned a lot but didn't get any bootie so I had failed. After awhile I saw the error of my ways stopped giving her attention. I didn't see Amelia too often later in the year, I was pursuing other interests. One day she came over to my friends basement where like 6 of us were hanging out. We convinced her to give us a strip show. I didn't see her for a few months after that, she had started dating some physically unattractive kid who happened to drink and played guitar.

Outcome Part B
I made some major lifestyle changes senior year I was able to introduce Amelia to the family jewels. I'll get to how I did this later.

Lesson/Take Away
Don't be the nice guy. If a girl describes you as "he's so nice" you have a big problem. Don't ever ever listen to a girl's problems - it's the job of their girlfriends, tissue boxes, diet pills, and credit cards to listen to that bullshit, not you.

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